It’s a beautiful world!

It’s a lovely Friday evening, and I’m on the cusp of a weekend. I amble down a walking track delighted at the thought of two whole days of leisure. I’m determined, though, to plan my time wisely, and my list of must-perform end-of-week tasks is already typed out and pinned to my desktop. This is how it looks:

My Weekend Tasks:

1.      Watch the latest movie – the one with a 1.5 star rating -  to bust the myth that movie goers are becoming increasingly intelligent and discriminating

2.      Contribute to the success of start-ups by shopping for life’s essentials (such as perfumes and totes) on the new retail portal

3.      Visit a salon for rudimentary assistance with the way I look

4.      Wipe the dust off the weighing scales, stand on them, and pray that they aren’t the kind that implode if challenged beyond their means

5.      Log the calories that have been burned to cinders in performing the four tasks

As I continue my unhurried stroll, a shamelessly enthusiastic jogger on a fast run approaches me, and I see it’s a friend I haven’t met in a while. My thousand watt smile is met with an uncertain searching look till a glimmer of recognition lights up her eyes and she stops in her tracks. “Oh, it’s you!” she says, “Sorry! Took a while to register who it was. You look different …. Mmmmm….. older than you were when I met you last month...Haha!, What's with the dark circles and the listless hair, girl? Well, do take care! I’m timing my run for the marathon next week, so we’ll chat up another day, ok? Bye!”

I stare after her in disconcertion as she speeds down the track. Sure, my mirror’s been acting up lately, but could her words have really reflected what she saw? Trudging back home, I do a reality check. I’ve neglected myself far too long, I realize, and it is time to review my plan of action and turn my weekend to-do list upside down. This is how the revised version looks:

My Weekend Tasks _V2:

1.      Visit a salon for radical assistance with the way I look

2.      Threaten the salon assistant with beastly consequences if she fails to restore my beauty

3.      Ignore the start-up and do comfort shopping for life’s essentials (such as age defying creams, concealers to hide dark circles, and instant noodles) at the neighborhood store

4.      Deal with crises one at a time; stow away the weighing scales, dust and all, till the countenance improves.

5.      Remember that Keynes said “In the long run, we’re all dead,” and forget all about logging calories

I’m lucky to get a Saturday afternoon appointment at an upmarket salon that, in the lingua franca of corporate outfits, “specializes in personalized, solution oriented beauty treatments for ramp-ready radiance and unequaled aesthetic outcomes.”

“I don’t quite know what that means, but I’m sure it’s just what I need,” I say to myself as I sink into a leather cushioned chair and subject myself to a thorough examination of the pedigree of my skin and hair. The beautician (“It’s aesthetician or cosmetologist, please! Beautician is so passé!” I’m informed softly) weighs in and proclaims that irregular and infrequent salon treatment, poor life style choices, and being on the wrong side of fifty have combined forces to wreak havoc on my looks and that only fate (in some part) and her expert help (in substantial measure) can set things right. She then proceeds to speak intelligently about deep conditioning treatment for damaged hair, infusing proteins through a mist, microdermabrasion, optimum skin rejuvenation, and oxygenating hydration. Even as I goggle at her uncomprehendingly, I realize she’s asking me a question. What efforts have I made so far to counter Mother Nature’s determined efforts to nudge me towards geriatric care? When was my last weak attempt at self-preservation using beauty treatments and makeovers? “Never, ever!” I answer. Now it’s her turn to reel in astonishment and goggle back at me, so I prevaricate and deftly modify my response. “How strange that I should have said that! I mostly use cucumber slices for the dark circles, avocado oil for the hair, and a mixture of honey, milk, and orange peels for the skin,” I answer brightly, “When I have time, I mean…..which is often.”

“Hmm,” she says with a distinct chill in her voice, “Let me see what I can do ….. under the circumstances.” She lays bare her action plan. The cleansing, steaming, deep-pore scrubbing, and moisturizing are guaranteed to transform my skin tone, and hot oil massages and keratin treatments assure me of the most lustrously gleaming mane in this part of the world. I meekly submit myself to zealous refurbishment in which my meagre aesthetic possessions are zealously polished, burnished, and brought to a shine. Many organic mud masks, facials, and deep conditioning treatments later, the woman who stares at me in the mirror looks perfectly coiffured and pleasantly artificial. Beauty is indeed in the I and the beholder! I am pleased with what I see and set off home feeling chic and svelte and ten years younger.

Riding the elevator to my apartment, I am joined by a friend and a neighbor who stiffens slightly as she sees me. “I met Dina yesterday, and she was worrying because you were looking pretty run down. I can see why! You do look listless …. Mmmmm….. older, somehow, than when I saw you last – which is a week ago! No time to take care of yourself? At the very least, visit a salon for some quick remediation. They’re good with skin and hair treatments. Want me to help you fix an appointment?”
I stumble out of the elevator, enter my apartment and totter towards the desktop. It's time to make another to-do list.